Counseling.

Some breathing exercises, ways to relax has been helping me ease the pain and anger.
Still dealing with flashbacks and extreme intensive and graphical, but praying and trying to keep it cool, and composed and altogether.

But, as I was told this is normal, acceptable and suppose to happen. Even though it's been months, still suppose to happen.

On that side note: I talked to a sister who told me she's making the arrangements for my things. So, alhamdulillah, for the things that I might be getting back soon, and alhamdulillah for the things I've decided in the long run might benefit someone else better, like the toys, books, clothes and such that could help someone else that might need them.
Same would go for all the other things that I left behind with a memory of what it is, and not really mattering anymore, seeing it as my friend flashed it for me asking me which one I wanted and didn't want.
I thank her sincerely and don't know how much to take the time to go through these boxes and sort them through.
I feel another sense of relief, and another sense of ok...that is one thing over...now need to deal with the finalization of my divorce which will cost me over $3000 just to get the divorce alone, not claiming for property, not even child support as I'm told it will take 3-5 years and I do not want to be married anymore, at least not to him.

SO, he does not want to give child support despite it's his islamic duty...whatever.
I'll be paying this divorce money out of my own pocket, meaning sacrificing my own things like any new clothes, or anything for myself for the next few months or until I can find a good job.

Where this $3000 or so could have been used for furthering my education, or new wardrobe for myself and the kids, or for more food / medicine / dentist costs as it's not covered by any health insurance of their teeth and checkups. But, have to get this done and over with.

And as I write this, and know it is being read by those in question, all I asked for since then was 2 things......my things returned....and child support. I got one out of the two....and I know I won't see the other at all for a long time...despite people say it will come soon..i hardly doubt it.