POWER AND CONTROL WHEEL

Using Coercison/Threats: Making/ carrying out threats to do something to hurt her
threatening to leave her, to commit suicide, to report her to welfare, making her drop charges, making her do illegal things.

Using Intimidation: Making her afraid by using looks, actions, gestures
smashing things, destroying her property, abusing pets, displaying weapons.

Using Emotional Abuse: Putting her down, making her feel bad about herself, calling her names, making her think she's crazy, playing mind games, humiliating her, making her feel guilty.

Using Isolation: Controlling what she does, who she sees, and talks to, what she reads, where she goes, limiting her outside involvement, using jealousy to justify actions.

Minimizing, denying and blaming: Making light of the abuse, and not taking her concerns about it seriously, saying the abuse didn't happen, shifting responsibility for abusive behavior, saying she caused it.

Using Children: Making her feel guilty about the kids, using the children to relay messages, using visitation to harass her, threaten to take the children away.

Using Male Privilege: Treating her like a servant, making all the big decisions, acting like the "master of the castle", being the one to define men's and women's roles.

Using Economic Abuse: Preventing her from getting or keeping a job, making her ask for money, giving her an allowance, taking her money ,not letting her know about or have access to family income.


LOOK AT THE ABOVE


NOw look below

Equality

Negotiation/fairness: Seeking mutually satisfying resolutions to conflict, accepting change, being willing to compromise.

Non-threatening behavior: Talking and acting so that she feels safe and comfortable expressing herself and doing things.

Respect: Listening to her non-judgmentally, being emotionaly affirming and understanding, valuing opinions.

Trust and Support: Supporting her goals in life, respecting her right to her own feelings, friends, and activities, and opinions.

Honesty and Accountability: Accepting responsibility for self, acknowledging past use of violence, admitting being wrong, communicating openly and truthfully.

Responsible Parenting: Sharing parental responsibilities, being a positive non violent role model for the kids.

Shared Responsibilities: Mutually agreeing on a fair distribution of work, making family decisions together.

Economic Partnership: Making money decisions together, making sure both partners benefit from financial arrangements.