Continuance of Women Abuse Affect Our Children

RESPONDING WHEN STUDENTS DISPLAY TROUBLING BEHAVIORS

These guidelines are helpful for eucators dealing with troubling behaviors, regardless of whether woman abuse is a factor.

1. Remember, that there may be a variety of reasons for the student's behavior.

• Problems may be explained by a number of factors in the student's life. Exposure to woman abuse is only one possibility. Consider/ explore other possible causes (e.g. terminal illness, death of a family member, homelessness, being bullied, settlment issues for immigrant, or refugee families, parental alcoholism, or substance abuse).

2. Reassure students nad increase their sense of security in school by:

• establishing simple rules and routines so they know what to expect
• giving straightforward explanation (where possible) for things that may worry them (sirens, presence of police in school, locked doors, security cameras)
• allowing students to express their concerns through talk, play, and written assignments.

3. Consult with other educators, guidance counselor, and or administrative or support personnel at your school.

• Consultation provides opportunities ot obtain support, information about resources, and strategies for your room, and elsewhere in the school (hallways, yard).
• In preparation for consulting with someone else, it may help to :
• clarify your concerns as it relates to school/ your responsbilities to educate.
• think about how you woudl describe the behavior (what is the problem? When did it start? How often does it occur? Who is affected and in what ways? What has been tried and how did it work?)

4. Remember that it is often not easy or safe to talk about family problems.

• Woman abuse and other family problems are often treated with great secrecy. Sometimes the secrecy is a way of maintaining safety (children maybe fearful that threats of horrible consequences will be carried out if they tell someone about the abuse, mother may fear her abusive partner may harm or take the children if she tells someone about the abuse.) By asking, you will let the family know that you are concerns and willing to help. They may choose ot talk to you in the future if they experience violence or other problems that affect their children.

5. Talk to the student's parent

• Express your concerns as they relate to the education of this student, or others in a supportive and non-threatening manner.
• Ask the parent what she is noticing at home and whether she has any ideas about what might be contributing to the student's difficulty in school.
• Discuss possible ways to support the student. (What can the parent do? What can you do?)

6. Provide information on available resources.

• Offer information about resources in the community that might assist the student and his or her family (women shelter, domestic violence agency, child trauma/ treatment program, cultural-linguistic interpretation services).

We suggest that educators encourage parents to talk and seek assistance for their child from a physician or other community support agencies when the children's behavior:

• is physically harmful to the student or others (physically fighting with others, laying down on the street)
• is intense enough to interfere with the student's day to day adjustment in school.
• does not respond to behavior management strategies
• persists over time (3 to 6 weeks)
• School educators often have a list of community support agencies available to them.

Continuance of Women Abuse Affect Our Children

IMPACTS ON CHILDREN AND ADOLESCENTS

Watching, hearing, or learning later of a mother being abused by her partner threatens young people's sense of stability and security.

• Children and adolescents may experience increased emotional and behaviourial difficulties.

• Some young people display traumatic stress reactions ( e.g. flashbacks, nightmares, intensified startle reactions, constant worry about possible danger).

• Children and adolescents living wit hdomestic violence are at increaed risk of experiencing physical injury or childhood abuse (e.g. physical and emotional).

• The abuser might use the children and adolescents as a control tactic against adult victims. Such as;
• claiming the children's bad behavior is the reason for the assaults on their mother.
• threatening violence against children and pets in front of the victim.
• holding the children hostage and abducting them in an effort to punish their mother or to gain compliance.
• withholding childrne's health cards or other essential documents (e.g. birth certificates, passports)
• talking direspectfully about their mother to the children.

• Children and adolescents may experience strong mied feelings towards their violent parent; affection existing along with feelings of resentment and disappointment.

• Young people may imitate and learn the attitudes and behaviors modelled when woman abuse occurs in the home. They might;
• use violence and threats to get what they want.
• learn that people do not get into trouble when they hurt others.
• believe men are in charge and get to control women's lives.
• believe that women don't have the right to be treated with respect.

• Exposure to violence may desenitize children and adolescents to aggressive behavior. When desensitzation occurs, aggression becomes part of the "norm" and is less likely to signal concern to young people.

• Whatever a young person's cultural background, she or he is likely to experience similiar feelings about living with women abuse. However, some students face additional barriers to seeking assistance because of differences from the dominant culture, such as;

• cultural and linguistic barriers
• the visibility of their mother's situation within their community
• distrust of adults in positions of authority
• increased concerns about confidentiality
• increased isolation
• limited resources and supports
• racism
• discrimination
• lack of immigration status

Children and mothers living in rural/remote areas may experience additional challenges such as;

• increased isolation and lack of social support networks
• difficulty accessing services due to lack of public ransportation and long distances to travel
• the visibility of their situation within their community
• increased concerns about confidentiality.

Barriers resulting from cultural differences may be compounded when students live in rural or remote areas.

SIGNS OF SOMEONE HAVING DIFFICULTIES

Students may display difficulties when they are living in abusive homes. These problems can occur for other erasons as well (death of a parent, homelessness, being bullied, traumatic events, experienced by a refugee or immigrant, or parental alcoholism). You may want to consult with other educators, the guidance counselor, and or administrative or support personnel to discuss your concerns.

Difficulties often include:

• physical complaints (headaches, stomaches)
• tiredness
• constant worry about possible danger/ or safety of family members (going to check on sisters, or brothers, phoning home)
• sadness and/ withdrawl from others and activities
• low self-esteem and lack of confidence, especially for trying new things (including academic tasks)
• difficulty paying attention in class, concentrating on work, and learning new information
• otubursts of anger directed towards educators, peers, and or self
• bullying and/ aggression directed towards peers, or self
• stereotyped beliefs about males as aggressors and females as victims.

In addition to the behaviours listed above, older students may display:

• Inflicted self-injury or mutilation
• suicidal thoughts and actions
• high risk behavior (including criminal activities (alcohol and sbustance abuse)
• school trauancy or leaving home
• getting involved in a violent relationship

http://ca.finance.yahoo.com/personal-finance/article/forbes/1087/how-to-sniff-out-a-liar

How to Sniff out a liar

http://www.forbes.com/2008/04/02/reid-technique-lying-ent-manage-cx_ml_0402catchaliar_slide_4.html?thisSpeed=15000

How to sniff out a liar in pictures.


The reason why I posted the above links is to show to watch a person's posture, and their facial features and eyes.

It is hard though on the Internet, but you have to use your intuition, and know the differences of truth and not truth.

And all the things that I post on here are the truth.

Domestic Abuse

http://www.mvwcs.com/cycledomesticviolence.html

http://www.helpguide.org/mental/emotional_psychological_trauma.htm

http://www.da.usda.gov/shmd/aware.htm

http://www.helpguide.org/mental/domestic_violence_abuse_types_signs_causes_effects.htm

http://www.soundvision.com/info/domesticviolence/

http://www.harrietlerner.com/

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Domestic_abuse

http://www.domesticabuseproject.org/

http://alcoholism.about.com/cs/abuse/a/990407.htm

http://www.lbp.police.uk/domesticabuse/

http://www.justanswer.com/law/family/domestic-abuse?r=ppcysp1Family%20Lawdomestic-abuse&utm_source=yahoo&utm_medium=ssp&utm_campaign=hybrid&jprc=1

http://www.break.com/index/canadianpsa1.html

http://www.domesticabusemuststop.org/

http://www.childabuseprevention.ca/

http://www.hotpeachpages.net/canada/canada1.html

http://www.torontosun.com/news/canada/2009/01/09/7965876-sun.html

http://news.therecord.com/News/CanadaWorld/article/282000

http://www.safecanada.ca/link_e.asp?category=1&topic=3

http://www.lfcc.on.ca/ralinks.html

http://www.thestar.com/News/Canada/article/618334

http://www.preventelderabuse.org/elderabuse/domestic.html


And the list continues and continues, this is just from the Yahoo Search Engine.
How about in Google, and in MSN, or in other search engines out there that could offer thousands of other sites out there, Islamic and Non-Islamic on Information on how to Prevent and Stop Domestic Abuse/Violence, and how to recognize the signs, and how to help people through them.

POWER AND CONTROL WHEEL

Using Coercison/Threats: Making/ carrying out threats to do something to hurt her
threatening to leave her, to commit suicide, to report her to welfare, making her drop charges, making her do illegal things.

Using Intimidation: Making her afraid by using looks, actions, gestures
smashing things, destroying her property, abusing pets, displaying weapons.

Using Emotional Abuse: Putting her down, making her feel bad about herself, calling her names, making her think she's crazy, playing mind games, humiliating her, making her feel guilty.

Using Isolation: Controlling what she does, who she sees, and talks to, what she reads, where she goes, limiting her outside involvement, using jealousy to justify actions.

Minimizing, denying and blaming: Making light of the abuse, and not taking her concerns about it seriously, saying the abuse didn't happen, shifting responsibility for abusive behavior, saying she caused it.

Using Children: Making her feel guilty about the kids, using the children to relay messages, using visitation to harass her, threaten to take the children away.

Using Male Privilege: Treating her like a servant, making all the big decisions, acting like the "master of the castle", being the one to define men's and women's roles.

Using Economic Abuse: Preventing her from getting or keeping a job, making her ask for money, giving her an allowance, taking her money ,not letting her know about or have access to family income.


LOOK AT THE ABOVE


NOw look below

Equality

Negotiation/fairness: Seeking mutually satisfying resolutions to conflict, accepting change, being willing to compromise.

Non-threatening behavior: Talking and acting so that she feels safe and comfortable expressing herself and doing things.

Respect: Listening to her non-judgmentally, being emotionaly affirming and understanding, valuing opinions.

Trust and Support: Supporting her goals in life, respecting her right to her own feelings, friends, and activities, and opinions.

Honesty and Accountability: Accepting responsibility for self, acknowledging past use of violence, admitting being wrong, communicating openly and truthfully.

Responsible Parenting: Sharing parental responsibilities, being a positive non violent role model for the kids.

Shared Responsibilities: Mutually agreeing on a fair distribution of work, making family decisions together.

Economic Partnership: Making money decisions together, making sure both partners benefit from financial arrangements.

I went to one of my counseling sessions and they gave me a booklet: "Woman Abuse Affects Our Children".

I'm going to give out a brief summary about it as well as share a few other books I've read this past year, or last year to give you an emphasis of what anyone could be experiencing and that they're not alone.

A Glossary

Abused Partner: Someone that is abused by their intimate partner, also known as "survivor, victimized parent, and adult victim".

child abuse: "Child maltreatment" that can mean physical, sexual, emotional abuse, or physical, emotional neglect, or denial of MEDICAL CARE.

Child exposure to woman abuse: seeing, hearing, being told about, or seeing the aftermath of a mother's abuse by her partner.

coping strategy: A way to cope with a emotionally painful situation, referred as survival strategies.

domestic violence: abuse or assault of adults by their partners.

power and control tactics: A pattern of behavior involving coercion, threats, intimidation, emotional abuse, isolation, using male privlege, minimizing the seriousness of abusive behavior, denial of harm, etc.

Woman abuse: a pattern of male behavior by power and control tactics against a woman, may involve physical assault. The abuse ranges from insults through life threatening injuries and sometimes death.
Woman abuse can take one, or two or more of these forms: emotional abuse, (degrading comments, withholding health card or important papers); economical abuse (denying access to money); sexual abuse ( forced) spiritual abuse ( preventing participation ), environmental abuse (making the home setting aversion for the partner); physical abuse, (punching, kicking, shoving, pushing, choking). All are violence against women.

Woman Abuse

• occurs in all age, racial, cultraul, socioeconomic, educational, occupational, religious groups.

• caused by contributing of violence against women in society; economic, political inequality of women; socialization of girls to palce the needs of others over their own and to value males more than females; sterotypes of masculinity indicating that being powerful and in control are good; societal attitudes condoning violence against women.

• occurs within a current or past intimate relationship

• typically involves repetitive behavior, including different types of abuse--physical, psychological, emotional, economic abuse, use of children.

• involve severe forms of violence (beating, choking, burning) that result in serious injuries.

• used to intimidate, humiliate, or frighten women as a systematic way of maintaining power, and control over them.

• abusive behavior in most cases is learned (abusive behavior modelled in family of origin, abusive behavior rewarded, gets desired results for abuser).

• caused by the abuser, not by the woman in the relationship.

• it's a crime, where the actual or threatened physical or sexual force is used.

• increased risk to woman and children at the time of separation from the abuser.

• results in surivor behavior focused on ensuring survival (minimizing, self-blame, denying the violence, protecting the abuser, abusing alcohol/drugs, using aggression as self-defence, seeking help, remaining in the abused relationship).

Everything will be included in my old blog.
http://ibyisamom.blogspot.com
or
http://ibyisamom2.blogspot.com

this one is alright of http://myownfreemind.blogspot.com/

but I need one, not just posting here and there at other blogs of what's been happening.

So, if it does come out then let it be here.
And, I'm tired of keeping it quiet and tired of sweeping it under the rug.